The last few days have been difficult. Our own little world has been crashing down around us for the last six weeks. And now the world around us is in upheaval too. And I just haven’t had the emotional or mental capacity to process both at the same time. But that doesn’t mean that the social injustices happening in our country are not deeply important to me. They absolutely are. I just don’t have the words right now.
This weekend we learned that Crawford is not a match for Adeline. While a transplant is not definitely on the table, I was hoping for our own peace of mind that we’d know we had a perfect match, should the need arise. Then today Adeline was set to begin her consolidation protocol. I had read about all her new meds and their side effects. We marked out the calendar, each day between today and August 10th, with the protocol day and all the meds she would be taking. And then today, her ANC (absolute neutrophil count) was too low to start chemo. I can’t explain the disappointment I felt at her NOT taking chemo. Maybe it’s knowing that the later we start, the later she’s finished. We’ll try again next Monday. And while I’m thankful for her body getting more rest, it’s just a reminder that we really can’t control what’s going on in this journey. BUT, tonight, we took control over what little we could. With Adeline’s hair thinning rapidly now, she lost the rest of it on her OWN terms. It broke our hearts, but in true Adeline fashion, she joked and smiled the whole time. She held her ponytail and said, “Someday this will be in *my* presidential library.” Someday, my love.
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